Tiling Chaos

According to Chaos theory seemingly random events can be traced to minor apparently unrelated ones. The fluttering of a butterfly wing can induce wind currents causing havoc elsewhere. Chaos, in all its definitions, seems pretty normal here in France.

This year we finally had the pool fence finished replacing the old legal but ugly black mesh one. We had to relay some tiles because the area on the creek side of the pool had dropped. This was because some years ago when the pool was installed, the person introduced to us by the pool company (WaterAir) actually had no experience in pool installation at all.  He dug too big a hole and then had to fill it in with dirt that of course did not compact immediately. This resulted in a gradual collapse on one side of the pool.  In those days, we were intimidated by French speaking workers and so just continued to dole out money while the work continued. Nothing much has changed since those days except that now we understand the process better. Gallic shoulder shrug.

Early this year, our neighbour (who shall henceforth be known as Pascal)  worked to rectify this collapse around the pool with “Jean-Jacques”, a crusty septuagenarian with a heart of gold. He has worked with rocks and blocks all his life and dauntingly plugs on carrying the huge dalles and setting them in place. A few weeks after working on our job, he collapsed at work and was taken to hospital.  Now he has been released, he is straining at the bit to get back to work.

Pascal and Jean-Jacques promised to get the job  done before we left. We had friends coming to house-sit in our absence and we wanted everything to be nice for them.  At the last minute, they volunteered to do the joints between the tiles as well. Accepting this offer proved to be unwise. See below.

Now we are back in France, we are having the terrasse tiled.  We had two artisans expressing interest: one an English bloke living here in France and the other our local neighbour Pascal, who functions normally as electrician. Both are jacks of all trades.  In the end we settled upon the English one (John) because he had done a good job tiling our pantry and laundry. Pascal was a bit miffed but  his commitment to any job is, at best, occasional.

John has been tiling valiantly against the odds of rain and heat. As long as he is sustained with cups of coffee and words of appreciation, he perseveres. His understanding of chaos theory is evinced in his continual analysis of how tricky tiling is.  One millimetre out and the knock on effect is catastrophic, he assures us regularly. He works solidly all day and makes acerbic comments on the obligatory 2 hour French lunch. Pascal visits and gives condescending words of advice, translated through Spouse. John accepts stoically.

The problem with the pool tiles was not the butterfly effect: it was the joints, the space between the tiles, that we discovered on our return to be filled with very thick dark cement, not at all like the light coloured (ton pierre) mortar we had used elsewhere around the pool. In a word, it was ugly.

Fortunately we have other neighbours to come to the rescue. Louis, who lives en face, made disparaging comments on the laying of the tiles around the pool and in about an hour had dug up about three square metres of tile and concrete, not around the pool but at the junction of the terrace tiles and the pool dalles. It was to do with the level, he assured me. Spouse, who had unfortunately been responsible for this part of the work, had rather gone to order more tiles at the time and was rather perplexed and stressed when he saw what had been done.

 A linguistic note: there are three sorts of tiles in French: dalles - the thick cement and stone ones which typically are used for paving, carrelage - the ceramic ones used in paving and also in bathrooms and kitchens and tuiles, which you find on the roof.  Using the wrong one, as I often do when speaking French, causes chaos as well.

Pansies for the winter

Finished at last

                                                                     

PS The names have been changed to protect the innocent.